The things she carries

She carries her sorrows upon her back
They cut her like tattoos
And every sad person she's ever met
And every drop of booze

Weighs down upon her shoulder blades
And grates upon her spine
So she assumes there's something more
When you say you feel fine

"I knew a person like you once
Her smile was a façade"
And so she doubts your happiness,
Your honesty, your God

At best she is a critic,
Her perceptions often great
But oh, at worst, how she condemns
How deeply can she hate

So when we make her smile
She's still got plenty to unpack
But when we let her down,
She holds the memory on her back

Alpine

The woods are lovely, dark, and deep
And oh, the secrets that they keep
Between tall firs and hidden streams
Lie long-lost hopes and broken dreams

To think-backpacking on the shore!
Dolphins and seashells! But be warned
Of hurried tides and angry waves
And dark and dangerous sea caves

Madrona trees are well aware
The tall, tall cedars? They don't dare
To reach for the alpine terrain
For they know there's more loss than gain

But naïve us, we trek on through
For blossoms red and skies of blue
What great surprise, and what a fright!
When we discover trails of white

The trolls and fairies could have told
That it's half silver, half fool's gold
The ghost pipes whistle, for they know
The dangers of impending snow

We go through every kind of trail
Through creek and mud, through ice and shale
And when the hill is just too steep
We use a rope and up we creep

Sometimes the fog and cold are hell
But oh, we learn our lessons well
Loud mammals when the sky was black
But not once would we have turned back

So through the forest, bugs in ears
Smoke in our eyes, wet wood and tears
Up on the mountain, by the shore
There's no place I have enjoyed more

Here She Comes

I want to warn them about you
Tell them not to be fooled by your charm
Your intelligence
Your friendly demeanor and fabulous clothes
I want to warn them because I see
They already like you
They already underestimate you
Believe you to be your surface self
I want to shout to them
SHE IS NOT A CHILD
Not because I want to defend you
But because I want to defend them
I want to explain to them
That your lighthearted whimsy is not a phase
That your need to escape cannot be assuaged
Even by escaping
Seeing them see you
To whisper
Watch out boy, she'll chew you up
If only to say, later
Told you so
Because they would not believe me
Not for a moment
I want to tell them they are not unique
That you are always intrigued
Always amused
Always delighted
Couldn't break a heart even if you wanted to
But oh, the hearts you break
I would lie
Sit by them at dinner
Or pass notes in class
She's lesbian
But enamored men don't believe in lesbians
So I'll stick to my front row seat
Reserved as a gift
Season tickets to a series of dramas
Writing notes in the program
Watch out boy

Ode to Home

You say I do not remember

But you never even knew

What do you know of our mountains?

What are apple trees to you?

I remember how the rain comes

In the middle of the night

Doesn't leave for six months straight for

Skies of blue or ground of white

I remember every oyster

That the tide has overturned

And for every one match fire,

I remember how it burned

I remember alpine meadows

Topped with snow in mid July

And I've seen the baby dolphin

I have watched the osprey fly

When you tell me of your cities

How your climate is the best

Wait and learn about my ocean

Spend a year or two out west

I remember foggy beaches

Only stones along the shores

But I'd take the barnacle rocks

Over any sands of yours

Where it's never hot and humid

And it's never cold and dry,

Half an hour from sea level,

I have climbed a mile high

You can laugh at our volcano,

But we have no hurricanes

And no lightening in mid-August

In fact, we've no summer rains

I remember walking barefoot

In the city by the Sound

Eating Thai curry or gyros

By the best fountain around

I can well recall the market

With the downstairs ice cream shop

And that great iconic needle

With the restaurant on top

I remember riding ferries

With the wind right in my face

Eating salmon by the seaside

After a cross country race

You can have your famous cheesesteak

Or your fabulous cream pies

But go west three thousand miles

For a real paradise

Wish

I found this in my folder of poems. It's a bit odd that I would have written this, because I'm not very cynical and don't tend to dwell, but so goes it. I'll write a new poem soon.

Wish

It's funny now how tall I was before you came along

How straight I stood, how well I fit my smile

It's funny since I haven't had good posture for so long

And you won't see me laughing for a while

I never used to wish because I always had a plan

And my well-founded whimsy knew her place

My heart was always dreaming and I whistled as I ran

But all the same I understood the race

And here you came to teach me how to dance and how to sing

Skills that I must have known since infancy

But you, you were so confident you'd change my everything

And me, I was too thrilled to disagree

At each eleven eleven you'd instruct me to wish

So twice a day I'd wish only for you

And now that you are far away and all has gone amiss,

I've learned only that wishes don't come true

What a cynic I've become as days have turned to years

How madly and impossibly alone

How paranoid you've made me as my doubts turned into fears

And I have learned to mistrust the unknown

It's funny now how great I was before you came along

How talented and smart I must have been

It's funny since I haven't felt courageous for so long

But I can find a place to start again

Pray for Rain

Happy Lent! This seemed appropriate. I think my inner Seattleite is beginning to kick in.

Pray for Rain
Pray for danger
Pray for danger that you may see right through it
See that danger is a coward
And fear a liar
That you may be thrown into the waves
And take up swimming, accidentally
And that next time you find yourself a cliff
You'll jump

Pray for rejection
Pray to learn ASAP
That you are stronger than judgment
And worth more than condescension
That a "no" is not in vain
So you will continue
And laugh to look back on what you have missed

Pray for dissention
Pray for someone who will argue all you say
That you will be called ignorant and wrong
And see what else there is to be believed
That you will be forced to be
More tolerant, more intelligent, more creative
Than you have ever been

And when you hit rock bottom,
Pray for rain
Pray for any kind of rain
And go out in a t-shirt and your bare feet and lie down
In the grass
And let the million drops of mud
Splatter all across your legs
And the feel serenity pelt down upon your cheeks
Not even imagining
What you could have done
With the time you spent so well
In the rain

Hue

Marmot fur
Icicle
Ivory and cream, which aren't quite the same
Like flour and sugar
And snow
Swiss cheese
Ashes
Pearl
Asbestos
Polar bear
Chalk
Weddings
Serenity
Emptiness

Persian rose
That salmon-coral color
Hot magenta, not to be confused with fuchsia
Watermelon strawberry raspberry
Blueberry juice
Flamingo, fandango
Sunburn
First kiss

Bright cranberry
Firetruck
Marinara
Stop!
Autumn apple
Cinnamon
Virginia clay
Anger
Communism
Surgery

Tangerine
Papaya smoothie
Hot wheels
Campfire
Wildflower
Halloween
Safety
Prison
Energy
Irritation
Bungee jumping

Daffodil
School bus
Corn on the cob
Fields of gold
Mid July
Saffron and sand
Southern Spain
Caution
Adrenaline

Mint mojito
Kiwi
Amazon
Peridot
Seaweed
Sprite
Go
Camoflauge
Lawnmower
Washington
Environmentalism
Poison
Energy
Envy

Cerulean
Turquoise
Aquamarine
Qīng
Spearmint
Caribbean

Mediterranean
Denim
Thunderstorm
Veins
Bubble gum soda
Baby's breath
Heartbreak

Deep maroon
Lavender
Amethyst
Snail blood
Artificial grape
Wealth
Adolescence
Coals
Onyx
Panther fur
Asphault
Rebellion
Apathy

Necklace

Yeah, that necklace

With the deep, deep blue ceramic bead

"To represent the canal, or the sky, or the morning mist over the mountains

Or maybe your favorite camp toothbrush"

Well, my toothbrush is green.

The necklace from the camp on the canal

With the oyster beach and the barnacle rocks

Where the fairies dance and the otters sing

And the old man's beard grows so, so long

That all the birds make nests of it

That necklace

For the timid five year old who was too brave not to climb a mountain

For the eight year old who came twice in the same summer

For the eleven year old who thought maybe she was getting too busy

Too busy for courage

For adventure

For laughter

"But I'll come back," she promised

"Someday."

For the eighteen year old who did come back

And when they asked her "Do you remember?"

Was too shy to admit it

But who could forget?

That necklace

Some people keep theirs in boxes in the corners of their rooms so they won't ever lose them

B. wears hers whenever she's especially nostalgic

S. keeps hers on a hook by the door

So that when the house catches fire, the necklace will stay with her

I don't take mine off.

But ohhh dear, that necklace

Drops of another world

Of plastic, or ceramic, or marmot fur

Or maybe just magic

Marmot fur is for garlic pita and copper mines and snow

The light blue is for finding constellations in the sea

A pink for jellyfish

More blue for warm August days

Lavender for sheep jokes and dinosaur trees

Green for building a fire

Yellow one for bug bites

Sapphire for singing to seals

White for making dream catchers and tye dye

Magenta for singing about moose and alligators and Tuesdays

Another magenta, for fairy houses and friendly trolls

More magenta, for salal and trilliums

And white, white for scraping pots and clearing trails

For dehydrated marinara and egg salad pitas

For pocket rockets and bilge pumps

For wild woozies and spider webs

For mountain goats and polar bears

For counting the bees and chasing the clouds

For giants and sparrows and butterfly breaths

For starfish and cedars and banana slugs

For heroes and villains and pirate hunts

For alpine meadows and barnacle bays

For windsurfing

For discipline

For fairy dust

So I don't keep a camera, just a notebook and some thoughts

And soon enough the thoughts will run away

But even though the notes are smeared and wearing through in spots

I know for certain that necklace will stay