Marsha from church
asks if my family celebrates Lent and I say no
My father's parents
both went to seminary but me?
I don't know what
happens between Mardi Gras and Good Friday
After
twenty years of going to church—and I love going to church—I
don't know the first thing about it
Lisa's giving up
chocolate and I thought about it
Thought about the
good it would do for my budget, my waistline, my self confidence
I am Discipline. I can go forty days without
chocolate.
And so I didn't.
I don't know about
ashes on people's foreheads or semi-vegetarians but I do know that my God will
probably not be impressed if I can go forty days without chocolate
And I don't know as
much about trade routes or the Middle East or even Christianity as I should,
but I don't think Jesus ate much chocolate
He would probably
not be impressed either
People have told me
that it's all about being closer to God
That every time you
forgo a Hershey's bar, you will remember why
Feel it in your
heart
Remember the
sacrifice He paid
But I think
That I would feel it
in my stomach
And forget about the
heart
And I am good at
forgetting about the heart
Good at not having
feelings
Talking about deep
passion for history or languages or rock climbing
As if you could ever
love an idea as much as you can love a person
I am great at
rejecting people
Intentionally or not
Romantically or not
Telling them no and
I'm sorry, or staring them down before they ever ask
I started writing
down things I might give up for lent
Salt and vinegar
chips
Facebook
Sleeping past ten
Mirrors
Insults
Lying by omission
But I didn't give up
any of them
They were too
ingrained in my world
Critical aspects of
my being
And I introduce
myself many ways, but there is a lot that I miss
"This is my
name, and I look in the mirror once an hour"
"This is my
name, and I think I got an A in history last semester because I stared the
professor down whenever I disagreed with him"
"This is my
name, and I usually forget to tell people I'm bisexual because I'm busy telling
l them I don't have feelings"
Is that a lie by
omission?
I spend a lot of
time at church and there's a lot I don't know
But I don't think my
God is a god of dishonesty
There is a lot I
don't know
But I have heard
that my God is a god of love
And I may not be
Discipline, but I know that I am Certainty
And I think that a
God who is made of love
A God who created
love
And who, I'm told,
created us to love
Would not have
created us wrong
Have created me
wrong
Created me to love
wrong
I finished a bag of
salt and vinegar chips while writing this poem
And I will probably
sleep past ten tomorrow
Even though my alarm
goes off at nine
And my god won't
love me the less for it
But I have heard
that love must come with honesty
And that I cannot
love people and continue to forget to say anything
And the truth is
that I do forget
That
even if I never fall in love—and I might not—
I do love
And in the interest
of honesty,
Maybe this Lent I
will give up forgetting
