Tuesday, November 12, 2013

To the chivalrous men in your well-tailored armor

I thought about apologizing for this poem
Then I thought about every article I've read about women apologizing too much.
I am not angry, but I am not sorry.

To the chivalrous men in your well-tailored armor
Do not call me oversensitive
I am not.
In your false passion/reason dichotomy,
I am cold as rock.

When the women go to the salon for manicures and gossip
Because centuries upon centuries of gender stereotypes and private sphere bullshit have given them that role
And then mocked their petty lives
When they watch romantic comedies and bake cookies together
To get over the men who broke their hearts
Because they have been taught that men break and women are broken
And all that heteronormative active/passive garbage
When they sit in their book clubs and talk about people and feelings
I will be long gone

So don't call me oversensitive.

Do not tell me these are isolated incidents
That I've let this whole thing get to my head
Need to take a step back
I have stepped back so far, all I can see is the big picture
And let me tell you about institutional oppression
There are no isolated incidents

Do not tell me that women's issues are simply none of your business
I recognize that you don't feel responsible
I don't hurt women, I respect them, I protect them
I understand that nobody thinks this is their fault
But this is everyone's business
And the next time I hear you tell someone to man up
Or defend your definition of chivalry
Your duty to protect the fragile female
(I know you don't believe you think I'm fragile)
I will remind you how responsible you are
Do I look like I need your protection?

Don't call me oversensitive

And the problem is this
I believe you when you tell me
I would never touch someone without asking
Damn straight you wouldn't.
I believe that you trust my knowledge and intelligence
Without doubting me on the grounds of my
Natural incapacity for higher thought

But sir
Every time you have noted that someone's skirt was too short
Shirt was too low
Mocked her for wearing what she wants
Agreed with an authority who told her not to distract the boys
As if their distraction is her fault
You are blaming a victim.
For every time you excused oppression
It's a cultural thing
Maybe that's just how things work over there
In that part if the world
For every time you have laughed at a prostitute joke
Read an article and said
She should have known not to walk alone
Not to visit that part of town
Sir that is rape culture.
You are still a perpetrator.

But this isn't about rape
Every time you say
It's a guy thing
I just don't understand women
Women are naturally more risk-averse. It's their maternal instinct.
Fuck maternal instincts.
Let's climb a mountain together
Then you can tell me I am risk averse
When you complain about female privilege
About girls who get free drinks
You can take back my drink and give me free birth control
Take back your protection and give me female superheroes
Take back your offer to walk with me in the bad part of town
And stop objectifying us in the first place
Stop judging me if I am not well dressed
And then mocking me when I go shopping
Stop standing up to give me a seat on the bus
And start standing up to give me a seat in congress

So when you and your chivalrous army come around in your well-tailored armor
Only to find that I, too, have shields
And I have been fighting for years
Maybe stick around and look who I'm fighting
Instead of helping me off the battlefield, back into my private sphere

Don't call me oversensitive.