Driving

And we're up to date.
This one looks a lot longer than it is, so no worries. This poem is, unfortunately, pretty accurate, and the real-life inspiration would be a drive I went on with my father just this morning. I don't have a license yet and driving is quite a stressful undertaking for me, as you're sure to tell. As a huuuuuge disclaimer to this poem, I love my father very much. After all, there's a reason I don't drive with my mother.

Driving
The garage is a good place for a car
It's safe and not too cold and never busy
But mostly the garage is a good place for a car
Because if the car is parked in the garage
I am not driving it

"Let's go!" dad calls, and so I do
But not because I want to go
Only because I know that if I do not drive
I will never get my license
And then I cannot go to choir practice

I back out of the driveway
And hope I do not hit the garbage cans
Especially since then dad will remember
I was supposed to put them back by the side of the house
Yesterday.

We go to Trader Joes to get maple syrup
I try to turn left in the parking lot
And then I realize there's an arrow on the pavement
Pointing the opposite way
I go to the next row of cars
and try to park... Just barely on the line
Oops

I want to adjust my side mirrors, but we're on a hill
So I just back out and then we leave
And daddy says I need to switch lanes
Faster! Now! Are you paying attention?
Yes I am
But there are so many things to pay attention to while driving
And my side mirrors still need to be adjusted

Somehow we get to an on-ramp
And now I really  need to go faster
Dad makes sure to tell me this
Faster! Faster! Faster!
Get up to sixty!

Sixty miles per hour
Just think of that
A fifteen second lap
The fastest lap ever run was 43 seconds
Which is still ridiculously fast
Erin are you paying attention?
No
Sorry
Keep accelerating, I tell myself
Check your mirrors
Look for an opening
Keep accelerating
"You don't look a day over fast cars and freedom"
I turn the radio off
It's too distracting
Besides, I am clearly too young for fast cars

Accelerate
Mirror check
It's raining—turn on the wipers
Check speedometer
Nope, too fast
Decelerate
Are you paying attention, Erin? The car in front of you is changing lanes
Yes I am paying attention
I was busy decelerating
And my side mirrors still need to be adjusted

Off-ramp
Erin, slow down!
I am slowing down
Erin, slow down faster!
This makes me think of physics
Velocity is the derivative of displacement
And acceleration is the derivative of velocity
What's the derivative of acceleration?
What is the term for "slowing down faster?"
Erin pay attention! You're on a curve! Slow down!
Sorry
I don't like physics anyway

This is not an off-ramp for long
I turn left and I'm on another on-ramp
Erin, speed up!
Why did I just slow down if I was going to speed up again?
I don't ask

I consider asking if I should adjust my mirrors while driving
Erin, are you paying attention to your speed?
You're on an on-ramp! Speed up!
Maybe I won't ask about the mirrors
Road, rear-view mirror, speedometer, wipers
Road, mirror, speed, wipers
Road, mirror, speed, wipers
Road, mirror, wipers—
Erin, speed up!
I'll try not to forget that one again

Off-ramp for a second time
Erin slow down, slow down, slow dowwwwwwn
You're not experienced enough to go that fast around a curve
This ends in a traffic light, you're still wayyy too fast.
I don't understand
I was pressing the brake hard the whole time, and I was slowing down
A lot
But we're off the freeway now
So I'm safe
Well... Relatively.

We pass the blueberry farm
I remember picking blueberries when I was little
My sister and I used to pick buckets full, and then mom would make jam
Once, she forgot her license when she was buying them
Which reminds me
That I'm driving

We get to a hill that is not too steep but very, very long
"This is a really tough hill to run"
No response
I'll stop talking and focus on accelerating because I am going up a hill
But honestly
It is a very tough hill

And we're back
To my neighborhood, to my street, to my house
Which is good because if he had made me drive any longer
I might have died
Perhaps literally

I hate to say "I told you so"
But all I have learned from this drive I already knew
The garage is a good place for a car
Because if the car is parked in the garage
I am not driving it